


The time Peter regrets drinking (or not)

by xX_AVJ_Xx



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Drunk Peter, Drunk Texting, M/M, Peter Parker - Freeform, Responsible Wade, Spideypool - Freeform, Wade Wilson - Freeform, bit of sexting, drunk Peter wants to blow Wade, peter didnt remember he sexted wade, really drunk conversation, spiderman x deadpool - Freeform, wade is respectful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-19
Updated: 2018-04-19
Packaged: 2019-04-24 22:29:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14365038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xX_AVJ_Xx/pseuds/xX_AVJ_Xx
Summary: "If I ever ended up drunk sexting you, you better pretend that it didn't happen the next day, OK?""Sure, but I'll save some screenshots"





	The time Peter regrets drinking (or not)

**Author's Note:**

> I updated and put some translations on Peter's drunk text 'cause it really is incomprehensible. Sorry, I didnt do something 'bout it sooner ^^;

Peter had been planning a little celebration after his graduation and it includes drinking. He never had drank alcohol in his life so he took the opportunity to drink and somehow Aunt May let him bought a bottle of tequila while they were grocery shopping.

 

"Peter, isnt that a little too strong for you, dear?" May asked

"Oh, I promise I won’t finish it all, Aunt May. I promise a friend I would save half a bottle for him." Peter replied.

 

Its not like he could be hammered hard by some tequila, right? He got super hero metabolism and stuff so there should nothing to worry about. After returning home, Peter went straight to his room to start his solo celebration, its not like he has lots of friends to celebrate with. He could invite Harry over but they got into a fight and had been ignoring each other for a month and a half, Ned doesn't drink and, jeesuz, he can't invite MJ over. He's totally not ready, and too young, to handle whatever responsibility that would come out of their drink fest. So, he just decides to drink on his own, he also planned a movie marathon to go along. As soon as he got the movie playing, he poured himself a shot and tasted it a bit. His face scrunched together as he finds the flavor very horrid like it's literally rubbing alcohol. But he wanted to know what it's like being a bit tipsy, hence why he chose a very strong drink he thought could maybe outmatch his metabolism. So, he down the whole glass making him gag a little. He felt a bit of burning sensation down his throat but that didn't change his mind on stopping his little drinking fest. After several shots, the bottle was only 1/3 left and that didn't leave him buzzed yet. He was disappointed 'cause he was really hoping that he could feel what it’s like to be drunk off his ass but instead it just turned his lips numb, so he just turned his focus on watching the movie, saving the remaining amount of tequila for a friend he mention earlier which was none other than the merc with the mouth. Halfway through the movie, Peter started to feel the world slowly spin around him and he was surprised that the alcohol took effect. He was amazed by how it made him feel, it’s like being anesthetized but still able to move a finger at will. He then heard a buzzed in his phone, he reaches out for it and grinned mischievously.

 

The next day, Peter realized 3 things.

First, he may have the worst hangover of all time

Second, its already 4 in the afternoon.

Third, he's not in his room, he's actually in a hospital bedroom.

Confused and slightly panicked, he quickly tried to sit up only to be put back down by the ache of his body like he got smashed by the Hulk or something.

 

"Peter, what's gotten into you?! If I had known you'd downed the whole thing I would've never let you buy it in the first place!" Aunt may have said, panic evident in her voice

 

"Wha...what happen...??" Peter asked, eyes squinted from the bright light and words slurred together

 

"You practically drank yourself to death! I found you in your room laying in the most uncomfortable position as if you were thrown across the room, I tried to wake you up but you wont and..and...there was blood dripping from your nose, you barely had a pulse and I thought you're dead!" She angrily said.

 

"I'm sorry, Aunt May, sorry I made you worry"

That was all peter could say to calm his aunt down but he's not sure if he even meant it for he can't really feel any emotion 'cept for the slight panic he had after he woke up which had died down by now. He still feels numb from the alcohol circling around his system. He dragged his hand to his face to hide from the bright light only to notice a needle sticking to it, he's really gotten himself into serious trouble but he can't even find the sense to panic over it. Hours later, after his super healing took over, they were discharge from the hospital and the doctor said that it was a bit of a miracle because it should have taken them days for Peter to recover from the alcohol intoxication, well, he was no ordinary person, after all. Once they were home, he was brought straight to his room which was still a mess from the night he went drinking, but still ok enough to be slept in. After processing things, he sorta starting to regret drinking because despite his healing power it still left a splitting headache like almost his spidey sense went haywire but mostly because he felt really guilty that Aunt May had to put up with the mess he made and pay a whole lot for his hospital bill. He lay on his bed, groaning and had his arm rested across his face.

 

"This suck...it sucks among other worst things" he mumbled to himself

 

He then tried to check his phone because he hadn't for the past 20 hours and found some messages in which he tried to reply to all of them. And he went to his group chat to notify his friends that his drink fest didn't went well as he thought it would.

 

**SMARTASSES**

**Peter:**

**I bloody died, people!**

**But hey, I lived!**

**Dunno what happened on Sunday evening, I just woke up on**

**Monday afternoon.**

**Woke up in a hospital actually. My aunt had to bust my door open.**

**Best part is that my leg got temporary paralyzed.**

**Oh, Wade, BTW, I don't think you'll get whatever was left of**

**the tequila and I don't know where that bottle is now**

**Ned:**

**I thought you actually got mugged**

**So, how's your drumstick?**

**Wade:**

**Damn**

**That's what you get for drinking 2/3rds of tequila**

**You feeling better?**

**Ned:**

**So, do u still plan on finishing that whole bottle?**

**Or lesson learned?**

**Wade:**

**I plan on finishing the rest**

**That's what we discussed**

**And you didn't leave me half**

**1/3 is more like it**

**How ya doing, Pete?**

**Peter:**

**IDK what happened to it.**

**And yes, never, I mean NEVER drink tequila again. Especially without**

**some lemon and salt. The stuff's nasty strong**

**M'fine**

**Just cant feel my toes a bit**

**But I think I died tho**

**Wade:**

**Your heart stopped, eh?**

**Peter:**

**I think**

**Wade:**

**Guess we're talking to a zombie**

**Or are you a ghost?**

**Can you become a zombie and another part of you become a ghost?**

**Peter:**

**I dunno**

**Wade:**

**How's your door tho?**

**Peter:**

**'Tis fine, just got the knob broken**

**Wade:**

**Aww, man**

**I wanted a cool Michael bay style door break down**

**So, can ya walk or any other stuff?**

**Peter:**

**Yeah, I can walk but it sorta hurts like hell**

**Wade:**

**Damn, that must suck**

**Peter:**

**It does, bigtime.**

**Doc said it'll take 3 days top, but in my case, just a few hours.**

**I'll be up and running soon**

**Wade:**

**Do you remember what happened last Sunday?**

**Peter:**

**All I remember was I was watching this movie then, boom, woke up in a hospital**

**Wade:**

**Huh**

**So, you don't remember what you kept sending me**

**Peter:**

**What did I sent you?**

**Wade:**

**Err...you should check our PMs**

 

Peter immediately went to their PMs to see if he might have send Wade stupid messages or worse, nudes, and even worse, of himself. He scrolled halfway through the whole thread without really reading them and noticed he barely understand his own messages at all. He was at least relieved he didn't send photos or nudes

 

**Peter:**

**Jeezus Christ**

**Totally don't remember this bit**

**Wade:**

**It was...something**

**I'll give ya that**

**A part of me was convinced that you were just having fun**

**and overdoing the drunk texting here**

**Peter:**

**Can't even understand a single thing there**

**No, I dont remember texting you**

**All I remember was I used my phone as a guide to a drinking**

**game I started during the movie**

**Wade:**

**Well, you managed to deliver on that sexting you promised you would do**

 

"What!" Peter exclaimed "I didn't promise the sexting, I said "might happen" but that doesn't mean I'm promising anything" Though Wade can't hear him and his protest.

He immediately scrolled further to see if Wade was saying the truth and, boy, he sure was. There was plenty of terribly incomprehensible messages from him and a few from Wade. The sentence was not understandable but he sure could make out the words. He starts to turn red and his eyes widen as he read the whole conversation in which he totally doesn't even remember doing.

 

**Peter:**

**Holy shit, I subconsciously did.**

He then returns to reread the whole thing

**Sun at 11:17 pm**

**Wade:**

**Yo**

**How much is too much for you?**

**Peter:**

**I my face is f nm** **_(My face is numb)_ **

**My s spinininng right not w** **_(My head is spinning right now)_ **

**Can't focus on t bepiibt** **_(Cant focus on point)_ **

***poibt**

**Wade:**

**Gonna throw up?**

**Peter:**

**Deadpool us a good and god the moved tho** **_(Deadpool is good and, god, the movie tho)_ **

**Nah**

**I'd wokdlile would to do to me** **_(I would like to see what it would to do me)_ **

**So but nm** **_(So numb)_ **

***numb**

**Fell every nerve going offline** **_(Feel every nerve going offline)_ **

**Fuck tequila**

**Making BG my hi adpuin** **_(Making my head spin)_ **

***making bf my head spib** **_(Making my head spin)_ **

**Wade:**

**Ooossh**

**Peter:**

**AQ RDJ is stony sya j** **_(And RDJ is Stony Stark)_ **

***stajk** **_(Stark)_ **

**Wade:**

**Typing whatever comes to mind, eh?**

**Peter:**

**MAybe???**

**Its all fuzzy now**

**Wade ispussing rivht know** **_(Wade is pussing right now)_ **

***bow**

****now**

**I'm too. It Gino ng a fucj not to give when I' m fru k** **_(---fuck not to give when Im drunk)_ **

**It wanna face you I. Me night me**

**Was. tour cokck** **_(Want your cock)_ **

**I is BT remember typing tbosr** **_(I don’t remember typing those)_ **

**Wade:**

**What you talking about?**

**Peter:**

**U wanna scj your cock** **_(I wanna suck your cock)_ **

**Been iffeelsp good**

**Wade:**

**Is this the sexting you told me would happen?**

**Peter:**

**Me doncare if he geti embtassed** **_(I don’t care if I get embarrassed)_ **

**I was nna sycj yourcock** **_(I wanna suck your cock)_ **

**.ayve???** **_(Maybe???)_ **

**Aybe**

**Mmmm**

**I face is rwallyteally .kunb** **_(My face is really really numb)_ **

**Thers fylibg DVDs alembewhere** **_(There are flying DVDs everywhere)_ **

**Gkyshit** **_(Gayshit_ **

**I' m tembetmbering  this. Is on gonna tember this ff the rest of my lufe** **_(Im remembering this. Im gonna remember this for the rest of my life)_ **

**My lups is SM numbg** **_(My lips is no numb)_ **

**Wade:**

**How drunk are you?**

**Peter:**

**So dizzy right now**

**I do rhir g granola eo  the save ga a glass for you**

**Wade:**

**Thanks, Pete**

**Peter:**

**It s this a dream????**

**Wade:**

**Nope**

**It will be a headache in the morning though**

**Peter:**

**Mtheb I wan na syxck tour xpcm** **_(Maybe I wanna suck your cock)_ **

***ex xk**

****cock**

**Is n too gorny to GCE a gucj of west. About to happebs** **_(Iam too horny---about to happen)_ **

**Wade:**

**You keep saying cock**

**Peter:**

**The .move vie is halwaway trpigj** **_(The movie is halfway through)_ **

**City xk is any c** **_(Cock is nice)_ **

***coxk is not XE**

***[#nce](https://www.deviantart.com/tag/nce)**

**Wanna obe in my ass** **_(Want one in my ass)_ **

**Wanna blow job. Toi. Oq**

**Wade:**

**Maybe you'd like some water**

**Peter:**

**I wanna suxk our cock** **_(I wanna suck your cock)_ **

**Watson yxe clip???**

**I'm he n a brarssedmyself for sayng dt bit.I qnna syxk you off** **_(I have embarrassed myself for saying this but I wanna suck you off)_ **

**Tilll you xcomei. nmy moutbBI** **_(Till you come in my mouth)_ **

**But you epyjdpt doittjp!???**

**I'm gayf ro you Wsde** **_(Im gay for you, Wade)_ **

**I'm f abt you to eade  . the almss you hartx**

**All I heard is youSCT amnifu namr**

**Wade:**

**You should lie down for a bit**

**Peter:**

**A his is to y blrz**

**Like you Wadr**

**Blues t the,more. nebt**

**Wade:**

**Are you trying to say Wade?**

**Peter:**

**Nomontm**

**Isi wann you to cum I. That assdd** **_(I want you to cum in that ass)_ **

**Caussee that feeemd ggooodde** **_(‘Cause that feel gooood)_ **

**Drunkif han hell ever intended** **_(Drunk than hell ever intended)_ **

**Wtf!!!**

**Wade your come xk up asgss my asds** **_(Wade, your cock up against my ass)_ **

**Wade:**

**You got that right**

**I can understand 1/3rd of everything you say here**

**Those tequila hit hard**

**Peter:**

**I wanna sycn your nawt**

**O wanna dcuj toh**

**Make you cun ecpiedlty at the o askb** **_(Make you cum especially---)_ **

**And am an bf srd ft the original igal spiderman**

**Wade:**

**At least you got spiderman right**

**Knocked unconscious yet?**

**Huh. Guess you're just not into talking anymore**

**Ah well**

**Fun while it lasted**

**Hope you're alright**

 

*present*

Peter laid back down to his bed, blinking to the ceiling as to process what he just read. He covered his face and groaned in frustration not believing what he just sends to his friend.

He went to his phone again to sincerely apologize and hope that his little drunk shenanigan didn't ruin their friendship or creep the other one out. Unlocking his phone, he finds a message from Wade sitting in the inbox, he nervously opens it.

 

**Wade:**

**I'll be honest with ya, I was laughing my ass off for a lot of this**

He breathe a sigh of relief, maybe it didn't ruin or at least affected their friendship. And is best to just try to laugh it all off

 

**Peter:**

**I'm mixed**

**Lmao**

**Though, I do remember a bit where I was laughing my ass off maybe it was that part or something**

**Wade:**

**I can only understand 1/3rd of all of that you sent me here**

**It’s a mess**

**Peter:**

**Yeah, haha, me neither**

**Wade:**

**Cock seems to be your favourite word there though**

By that, Pete's face went red again and he shut his mouth tight to not let out a manly squeal of humiliation. He gotta think quick to change the subject

**Peter:**

**OK, lemme see if I had sent weird stuff to other people**

 

Though as an excuse to avoid that his-fav-word-was-cock bit he actually scrolled through his inbox just to make sure he didn't text anymore people. God knows what humiliation and trouble he will be in if he sent that to people that should not be texted in the first place. Seeing that they were no others, he sighs in relief, tho it makes it awfully awkward that he only texted Wade. Not that he has some sort of man-crush on that man, that man with gorgeous blue eyes that brings out the color of his suit, the way the fabric cling to the firm muscles of his hot bod-

 

"Snap, out of it, Peter!" Peter exclaimed to himself as he realized that he was already drooling over the image of Wade. He was torn between relief and awkwardness. He tried to brush it off and convince himself that Wade sees all of it as a joke, because, cmon, he's Deadpool! He'll joke about anything and everything, he won't take Peter's drunk "sexting" seriously. Its just a friendly guy-to-guy-having-awfully-intimate-gestures-of-wanting-to-suck-the-other-off-and-perhaps-have-some-sexy-time kind of joke. Wade had already laughed it off, peter should too, right?

 

**Peter:**

**OK, seems like you're the only person I texted**

**Wade:**

**Hey, I feel so special and loved**

Peter rolled his eyes and smiled stupidly as he replied

**Peter:**

**Haha, don't over relish yourself with all the stuffs I did while drunk**

**Wade:**

**Don't get me wrong, I'm flattered I got what I got**

**Peter:**

**Well, ain't doing that anymore**

**Wade:**

**Shame**

**It was fun**

**Peter:**

**Haha, no**

**Wade:**

**Hey, you don't remember it**

**It gave a good laugh**

**Peter:**

**Haha, yeah, it did. Oh well, guess stuffs like that are bound to happen.**

**Well, at least, I got something interesting to tell my grandkids about my teen years**

**Wade:**

**Sure, barely sexting a friend sounds like something kid appropriate**

**I'm half curious whether or not you were serious about all that when you were drunk**

Peter blushed. Why is he blushing? And why would Wade think he was serious? Peter was just a drunk ass back there, of course it was some kind of child's play or more likely a joke. Did Wade really thought he was serious? He shook off his blushing and tried to go back to their usual banter

**Peter:**

**IDK, but I won't be recommending tequila anymore tho**

**I would say that it is where the longest hangover you'll ever gonna get**

**Wade:**

**Ppsshh, only if it works**

**Peter:**

**Don't be so full of yourself**

**Let me know if you will tho**

**And hopefully, you dont wake up in a hospital or some shit**

**Wade:**

**I'll notify you in form of words**

**And I won't drink nearly as much as you**

**Peter:**

**Whatever**

**Don't want you to end up like me**

**Wade:**

**What, you don't want any sext?**

Peter's eyes widen at Wade's text. He can't be serious. No, he's totally not serious. This is totally a normal thing for bros to do sometimes. This is some challenge where Peter is in no place to decline. He smirked as he typed in his reply.

 

**Peter:**

**Haha, maybe**

He mentally slapped himself for texting a lame reply but he can't help but giggle like an idiot

**Wade:**

**Yeesh, maybe is such a difficult word**

**Peter:**

**Haha, yeah sure. Want to see you drunk texting me**

**It'll be a good laugh**

**Wade:**

**It won't be as bad as yours though**

**Not by a long shot**

**Peter:**

**Oh well, if you ever do drink, better payback some sexting**

**Wade:**

**Fine, fine**

**But no pics**

**Obviously**

Peter paused for a moment, of course no pic, that'll be weirder. But he can't help but think that its also because of how self-conscious and insecure Wade is about his face. Sure, there are scars everywhere but Peter tried to convinced him that he looks ok. That didnt help the first time Peter's friends saw Wade's face without the mask though. Ned sorta made a comment that made Wade pull deeper within his hoodie, MJ didn't say anything though her looks says those of disgust and horror, only person who seem to not give a damn was Harry and that made Wade a little comfortable.

 

**Peter:**

**Of course, no pics**

**But if it's nudes, not of yourself of course, it could be an exception**

**Wade:**

**Definitely none of those**

**The internet is only so big**

**Peter:**

**Aww, send nudes damnit!**

Peter laughed and bet that Wade is also laughing on how Peter is really acting like a horny teenager asking for some adult supervised nudes

**Wade:**

**When I'm drunk, I'll consider it**

**Peter:**

**You better be**

**I did the sexting I never expect I'd ever do so it’s your turn to return the favor**

He can't tell if he was straight forward flirting or really playing along with Wade, but it seems fine, seems very normal and very platonic

**Wade:**

**Alright, but you gotta respond the same**

**Otherwise, it would be awkward as hell**

 

Peter didn't reply 'cause he fell back into his bed laughing more than he probably should. After the laughter died, he looked up to the ceiling, curled his toes and sighed

 

"Damn, should've bought lemon and salt for that drinking game"

 

The End


End file.
